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Taking Things Personally Is A Part Of Human Nature
Taking things personally is in the nature of human beings. Psychology also says, human beings tend to take things personally. Have you ever found yourself deeply hurt because of someone else’s words or behaviour? If yes then, you are not alone in this path because the human mind loves taking things personally. But have you ever wondered why we do this? Because we human beings always associate ourselves with the opinion of others.
I was also among the people who takes things personally and already saw myself suffering badly because of this habit. Going back to the time when I was living with my relatives. It is a proven fact that when two or more people from different backgrounds start living together it will take time to understand each other’s traits and way of living. The people I was living with were older than me and at the beginning days there always used to be arguments over smallest things.
To be honest, I’m an introverted kind of person who loves enjoying her own company but my relatives were more like extroverts. They always used to complain about me being so reserved. One day I came out of the room and found them sitting in the TV lounge. When I passed by. One of them said why don’t you come outside and always sit in your room? I didn’t like her asking this question due to which I became angry and responded with kinda harsh words.
That incident changed everything between us. She wasn’t talking to me nor was I talking to her. Keeping it short, that thing started to bother me a lot to the point that I started becoming restless more and more. Because a big wall stood between us and I wasn’t able to do anything freely.
The purpose of sharing this story was to inform you that the more you will keep taking things personally the more it will start bothering you. It will start affecting your mental peace that’s why it is necessary to avoid taking things personally.
When you will stop taking things personally, you will see your relationships improving with others and yourself. By avoiding taking things personally you will allow yourself to create a space for personal growth and a positive mindset.
Together let’s explore the ways which might help you stop taking things personally.
1. Shift Your Perspective
The very first step to stop taking things personally is to reconsider how you view a criticism. It is normal to feel hurt if someone says anything hurtful to you. But it will have the power to affect you only when you yourself will allow it. That’s why before taking someone’s criticism as an attack, you should first reconsider it. Ask yourself, what can you learn from it? What’s the reason hidden behind that criticism? Asking these questions from yourself can really shift your mindset from negative thoughts and feelings towards a more positive you.
2. Stop Personalizing Things
Similarly, another key step to stop taking things personally is to understand that each and every criticism can not be only meant for you. You should stop personalizing every criticism, because people’s behaviour and words are often connected with their own issues and experiences rather than with you. For instance, if someone does not say hi or smile, they might be shy. I’m often misunderstood by people as they call me rude but in reality I’m just a shy and introverted person.
That means you can emotionally separate yourself from their behaviour or criticism by making an effort to understand their situation. This can help you in realising that their criticism does not define who you are, but here make sure that it does not excuse cruel behaviour. Keep in my mind that you are always standing for yourself when it comes to your self respect. Practising empathy enables you to avoid getting stuck into your feelings and keep your attention on the important things in life.
3. Strengthen Your Self esteem
To stop taking things personally, it is important to build a strong self esteem. Because self esteem plays a main role in how you perceive and react to the world around you. Strong self esteem allows you to know your worth and your capabilities. When you have strong self esteem you are less likely to be bothered by external comments because you know that those external comments and actions can never define “who you are?” self esteem gives you an inner confidence due to which you take the criticism as something completely separate from your self-worth, making it easier for you to stop taking things personally.
Also Read: 30 Affirmations for boosting self-esteem and self-worth
On the other hand, if you have low self esteem, you are more likely to take negative feedback as a personal attack. Because of low self esteem you will always see the criticism and actions as a reflection of your own values rather than just feedback. This can lead to high sensitivity, overthinking and unnecessary stress.
By strengthening your self esteem you build a strong and unbeatable version of you. And that will help you to stay confident and resilient despite many challenges and negative feedback. You’ll always see yourself worthy and capable regardless of others opinion.
In short, when you will start strengthening your self esteem, you will naturally become less prone to taking things personally. Because you will be able to separate your self-worth from negative comments, leading to a more balanced and peaceful mindset.
4. Set Boundaries
One of the most important steps of not taking things personally is setting boundaries. It will let you know what situations are acceptable to you. Knowing your boundaries allows you to recognize what are the things you are comfortable with and what are the things that cross the line and aren’t acceptable to you. It does not only help you to protect yourself emotionally but also plays an important role in detaching your self-worth from negative comments and ensure that you are not absorbing others’ opinions as your own.
For example, if there are certain topics that make you feel uncomfortable, you can clearly let others know. You can ask your friend that you’d prefer not to discuss certain topics or ask your colleague that you need uninterrupted time to focus on your work. By setting these boundaries, you make it clear what is and is not acceptable to you, which lessens the possibility of you feeling overwhelmed or taking things personally.
5. Communicate Clearly
Communication is one of the most important factors when it comes to how you respond to others. When you are not comfortable with something or when something is bothering you, it is important to communicate about it in an assertive and respectful manner so that it may be focused on your feelings rather than accusing another person.
For instance, instead of lashing out at the person you might say, “when you said that I felt hurt, because I felt as if you devalued me” or you can express the way you felt about the comment but in an assertive manner. In this way instead of taking things personally and bottling up inside, you open the door for constructive dialogue where both parties can understand each other’s perspectives.
Communication plays a vital role in preventing misunderstandings. It is also helpful in setting your boundaries, as by communicating you let others know how you want to be treated. When you communicate assertively, you’ll be more confident in expressing your needs and less likely to take things personally. Because you have already created a healthy environment for interactions.
6. Practice Mindfulness
Practicing mindfulness is one of the key factors of living in the moment, which can be incredibly helpful when you start taking things personally. Mindfulness helps you to pause and focus on what’s happening right now, instead of letting your emotions get out of your control. When you feel triggered, try to catch yourself in the moment, take a deep breath and stay calm.
Regular meditation is the gateway to build an awareness about your thoughts and emotions. It allows you to observe and respond to them thoughtfully rather than just lashing out. When you start meditating regularly, you train your mind to think about certain comments and actions from all angles as an unbiased observer, which is the key to not taking things personally. By regularly practicing mindfulness, you will be able to have a better control over your emotional reactions. This not only encourages you to stop taking things personally, but also enhances your emotional health and well being.
7. The Power Of Self Compassion
Self compassion means being kind to yourself, accepting yourself with all your flaws. It is about treating and understanding yourself with the same kindness that you would offer to a close person. At the end of the day you are only a human just like others who tend to have flaws and are prone to make mistakes. Self compassion plays a crucial role in helping you stop taking things personally.
When you are kind to yourself and accept yourself as someone, worthy and precious, you will create a wall against the hurt that can come from a negative comment or criticism. In this case self compassion allows you to distance yourself from all the negative thoughts, helping you to focus more on your feelings instead of letting them define your worth.
With the power of self compassion, you’ll stop the habit of taking things personally, because you will train your mind that at the end you are only a human who is prone to make mistakes and has his own struggles.
8. Understand You Can’t Please Everyone
Another important step in learning how to stop taking things personally is to accept the fact that you can’t please everyone, because there will always be people who disagree with you, misunderstand you, or will have their own opinions. The more you bound yourself within the circle of pleasing everyone, the more you welcome disappointments and stress because at the end people won’t think the way you think.
This realization helps you to stop taking things personally because you will start understanding the fact that people’s reactions are often about themselves but not you. Their experiences, struggles, beliefs and emotions shape the way they respond to a situation. And their response can never be a reflection of your worth or abilities.
Instead of taking things personally, remind yourself that it is impossible to please everyone and that your worth isn’t dependent on people’s opinion to be defined.
In short, if you are struggling with taking things personally then it’s the time to shift your mindset towards a more positive you and focus on your personal growth. Set boundaries, practice mindfulness and communicate clearly about the things that bother you. Strengthen your self esteem and try to stop personalizing things as much as you can. Because the more you personalize things the more you will be restless.